just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
tequila makes me forget i have legs
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
