I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
Randomize
