Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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