I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
Randomize
