glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
Randomize
