Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
Randomize
