for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
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