Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
