Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
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