hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
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