i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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