were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
Randomize
