just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
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