i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
Randomize
