Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
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