the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
Oh god it's open bar.
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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