no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
Randomize
