and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
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