Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
Randomize