Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
