$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
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