So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
Randomize
