when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
Randomize
