His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
Randomize
