First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
