I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
Randomize