come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
We have started to decorate penises.
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Randomize
