I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
