If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
Randomize
