is your mom at the bar?
her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
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