told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
