TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
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