You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
How's work?
Spinning.
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
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