I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
