I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
Randomize
