I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
Randomize
