Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
I'm experimenting with sincerity
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
Randomize
