i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Randomize
