I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
Why did my mother make you get naked?
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