Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
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