why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
Randomize
