When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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