ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
is wine microwaveable?
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
Randomize
