There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
Randomize
