We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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