i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
it's like heaven, but drunker
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
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