we're chasing vodka with high fives
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
Randomize
