i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
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