Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
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