Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
Randomize
