Betty ford says i'm here all night
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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