is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
Randomize
