Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
Brb crying the tears of my youth
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize
