that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
You can't just leave with hair like that
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
