wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
Hello my rib-scented angel!
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
