Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
Randomize