can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
Randomize
