I wanna passion pit in your ass
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
Randomize
