I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
3 2 1 whiskey
Randomize
