How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
We were destined to go to rehab together
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
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