3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
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