i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
I think I am morally bankrupt
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
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