Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
