i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
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