He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
so let's talk penis.
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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