Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
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