I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
Randomize
