Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
Randomize
